To Know You

“Even if He doesn’t” hit me hard on the chest. Parted a sea for sure, but it was healthy stuff. I sat there with the reality that He is my reality. Faith was never about the wish you want granted. It was faith to see Him in everything in the yes’s and the no’s. Last Saturday, I wrote these lyrics down like a river. Truth is a teacher, cutting the heart with love.

To Know You

He spoke to me in ways I understand
The change of water and change of land
Early on He carried me through
In what to say and what to do

Time can lie to measure peace
We follow maps til hopes increase
What I want is to where to go
When I’m there, what do I really know?

To know You
Let me know You
All this is to know You

Climb the mountain and reach the top
Raise the flag and plant your crop
Blessing and battle preparing the same
What matters still even in change

To know You
Let me know You
All this to know You

And in this time I have with You
I think of what I’ve put You through
I’ve let some things stand in the way
I took it all and walked away

When it’s done what’s happened to me?
Did I become afraid or do I still believe?
I’ll enter in the rest You command
You won’t give me more than I can stand

Whether in win or in heavy load
I lay it down as I am told
Everything I have belongs to You
Everywhere I go I search for You

To know You
Let me know You
All this to know You


Boys, clean your room!

I haven’t written here in a few weeks, turning to my journal the past few days. Things have happened, sometimes like a loop. When it did, I’m thinking ‘shouldn’t this be over by now?’ or it’s ‘here we go again’. Unfair for me to hope that other things have changed as I did. Then I realise, maybe that’s why it’s on loop so I can finally get it this time. What did that really nice quote say the other day on pinterest? What was that encouraging Facebook status that my friend wrote? Quick to read and share, but the true distinction was always about whether you see it real yourself.

Frustration and worry are the two most obvious superstars when I don’t listen properly. My boys notice, I think. On a personal note I’m shamefully a person who is in fear of it’s-too-late’s. Too expensive in the heart. When I quiet myself, the caves inside are better lit. Cobwebs of forgotten promises, and the sudden panic of dodging sleeping bats. Now I see them.

It’s not my happiest time when I clean the boys’ room. There are days I want to pretend it’s not necessary, but it is. Every time I walk in, there’s a coin or toy or plastic or pencil on the floor somewhere. Dirt and dust, daily. And lego. Lego just had to be both incredibly fun, and incredibly many-pieces. Grrrr. But it’s the coolest toy, really. Oh, hi there little trash can. Didn’t the boys notice you were around? I guess not. Cleaning requires you to see what you need to clean. I’m very particular with that of the boys that when they see something lying around in their room, to not just leave it. Pick it up, put it where it belongs. Your pencil case, your toy chest, the trashcan, whatever.

I hope I have this same truth for myself. Anything I teach the boys for that matter. It really is the best way to teach when they see their parents doing it.

Back on the loop but there’s always a way out with the right cleaning tools. Daily in listening, daily in faith, daily in walking in it. This will depend. What am I reading? Is it truth? More importantly, do I believe?