Fast and the Full-ious

I’m getting old. 2014 is like a year you’d find in one of those time machine movies. Almost like it didn’t happen. Full. If I had one major title for 2014 it would be “Fast and the Full…ious” 😀

Looking through my early journal entries this year was encouraging. Love for family deepened, and there was clarity along with the changes. Stepping up and out of my comfort zone was especially hard for me because most of the time, I’m at home. And I guess I just got used to certain mindsets. I guess I got to the point where I just wanted to stay home. Unlike the way it was when I was younger, rest was now difficult to find outside my home. It was always right here with my babies, sitting on my rocking chair, writing, listening to old tunes, making meals, checking to see my home is in order from the moment my eyes pop open ’til the closing hours of day. I’m getting old. But I still look good, by golly!! 😀 (You do too, by the way)

No time to be afraid. No time to crawl back. It was a year I felt pushed to limits where I didn’t mark any of those boundaries. Truly is Fathering when He believes the time is right, and that you’re ready, even if afraid. And I was afraid. All of them by the door. Shame. Rejection. Failure. Abandonment. Sharp teeth and growling. I won’t pretend it’s as easy as choosing which flavour ice cream you’d want to buy. Faith was so essential. It was everything. Sometimes after I’ve decided to take the challenge, the ending is what I’ve feared. But it’s different now. There’s no more cage, just change.

There were mistakes, and palm-on-my-face moments. Forgiveness was on that list, too. Looking in the mirror. I forgive me. I forgive me. Mistakes make it worthwhile. I see what makes me this and that. Working progress is why it is worthwhile. I turn around and see my family with me. Inspiration. It was moving forward after my mistakes that claimed victory, too. Baduy lang sometimes because you’re the only one who knows. Hehe. But I think this is what makes it more personal. Everything I do should be between me and my God first, and only. He is here always.

December landing softly. Faith, Forgiveness, Full.

Happy New Year!

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Ruby passing through.

I’m on a watch every hour. Are you? Where is it now? I sit outside my house facing the night sky. It’s quiet and the wind teases every now and then. I wonder where it is now. How are they coping?

One very hot summer morning, the empty lot right beside our house caught fire. They say somebody might have flicked a cigarette in that field. A long line of fire with a thick wall of smoke was slowly approaching our house. Ran back in my house, called the fire station, hung up, and prayed with my hands towards the lot. Bless this land, dear God. When I ran back out, I couldn’t believe the people that suddenly showed up, putting out the flames. They seemed to know what to do. I remember seeing them each holding a big banana leaf branch, whacking those flames with all of their might. So we joined in and I didn’t even know the first name of the person I was standing next to.

The angry flames were gone even before the firemen arrived. And when they did, they had drenched the black field and killed the fire completely. Together with our neighbours, we put out and cleaned up, and treated ourselves to ice cream after our little mishap. Community. I remember a gardener who came from 2 blocks away who was there helping out. He just walked back to where he came from after everything calmed down.

This makes me proud to be Filipino. I truly believe we have that sense of community, to willingly help and support each other in bad times. It’s the karaoke and fiesta and early christmas celebrations that hint how important we are to each other.

Most are choosing to fend for themselves, and helping others at the same time. How many heroes are rising up right now? It breaks my heart that people have time to look in to what or who not to follow. We don’t have time for that. It breaks my heart when people rant even about how other people are helping, that it’s not enough. Help should not be measured by any of us. It’s not worth thinking or talking about. Okay, I’ll stop talking about it :p

Where is Ruby now? Standing outside of my house, I looked to the heavens and asked God to comfort and save this nation. Undoubtedly, He has an intense love for the Philippines. It’s not even about the beaches and mountains and the beautiful scenery. His treasure always has been His people.

Ruby is going to be disappointed. We’re made to stubbornly rise again, and pull each other up.

We serve a God who will never let us go. It may pass through, but He will walk us through it.

Romans 5:3-4 “..for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength in character, and character strengthens our confident hope in salvation”