I’m getting old. 2014 is like a year you’d find in one of those time machine movies. Almost like it didn’t happen. Full. If I had one major title for 2014 it would be “Fast and the Full…ious” 😀
Looking through my early journal entries this year was encouraging. Love for family deepened, and there was clarity along with the changes. Stepping up and out of my comfort zone was especially hard for me because most of the time, I’m at home. And I guess I just got used to certain mindsets. I guess I got to the point where I just wanted to stay home. Unlike the way it was when I was younger, rest was now difficult to find outside my home. It was always right here with my babies, sitting on my rocking chair, writing, listening to old tunes, making meals, checking to see my home is in order from the moment my eyes pop open ’til the closing hours of day. I’m getting old. But I still look good, by golly!! 😀 (You do too, by the way)
No time to be afraid. No time to crawl back. It was a year I felt pushed to limits where I didn’t mark any of those boundaries. Truly is Fathering when He believes the time is right, and that you’re ready, even if afraid. And I was afraid. All of them by the door. Shame. Rejection. Failure. Abandonment. Sharp teeth and growling. I won’t pretend it’s as easy as choosing which flavour ice cream you’d want to buy. Faith was so essential. It was everything. Sometimes after I’ve decided to take the challenge, the ending is what I’ve feared. But it’s different now. There’s no more cage, just change.
There were mistakes, and palm-on-my-face moments. Forgiveness was on that list, too. Looking in the mirror. I forgive me. I forgive me. Mistakes make it worthwhile. I see what makes me this and that. Working progress is why it is worthwhile. I turn around and see my family with me. Inspiration. It was moving forward after my mistakes that claimed victory, too. Baduy lang sometimes because you’re the only one who knows. Hehe. But I think this is what makes it more personal. Everything I do should be between me and my God first, and only. He is here always.
December landing softly. Faith, Forgiveness, Full.
Happy New Year!